Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A (Loud) Cry For Help

I love my daughter.  More and more each day.  That sick in the guts I love you so much feeling.  It is undoubtedly the most intense love I have ever felt.  Coming from me...the slightly obsessive girl (maybe I should start saying woman??)...this is big.

She is honestly the most adorable creature on earth, and that isn't my bias coming out.  I swear! Her little hands and feet are always on my mind when I get the urge to nibble.  

Her cheeks have filled into the best cheeks ever.  

Her insanely beautiful eyes melt me more than the blazing summer sun every time I see them.

Her gorgeous mouth has the most insatiable pout anyone has seen.  

This pout is now coupled with real tears that break my heart every time they appear.
And along with this pout and these tears is an ear piercing, glass shattering, nerve wrenching...

Cry doesn't even begin to describe it.

I love my daughter.  More and more each day, but dear lord above her cry can turn the most calm person into a raving lunatic!

When our little pumpkin starts crying and you can get to her in a millisecond, you might be safe. But if you are that fraction of a second too long?  Sorry, you lose. Game over.  Get out your ear plugs.  It takes a great deal of effort sometimes to calm her.  Don't get me wrong, this is not all the time.  It is the worst when she is hungry or tired, the latter of which she fights almost every nap time.

And this is where the guilt factor comes in.  Have we missed a cue?  Have we taught her that she has to become frantic to get what she needs?  Is she feeding off of our anxieties of being first time parents trying to muddle our way through keeping this red faced, flailing bag of cute alive?

The answer I have come up with is:  Possibly.

Nice, eh?  Vague.

What I have discovered, through weeks and months of asking "Why does she cry so furiously?  Why is she so upset?", is that my daughter is PASSIONATE.


Even though there were days early on during my bout with Post Partum Depression when this crying sent me into automatic shut down I love this.  Patience accompanied by plenty of sleep (thank you swaddling!) has helped me see a lot more clearly that my baby just wants what she wants when she wants it...and this desire is fierce.

Who wouldn't want a fiercely passionate baby?  A lot of people I am sure, but it gives me so much hope for what is to come for this little girl.  To be passionate and intense and to know what she wants.  I take so much comfort in the thought that my child will be strong willed and determined when she is older.  Right now, it is a little frustrating at times, but it is part of my job as one of her parents.

What we as parents have to understand is that babies aren't crying to piss us off. They need help with something.  And sometimes it just takes a little bit of trial and error to find out what that something is if your baby isn't one of those "has a different cry for different needs" types of babies.

I don't want boring, always calm children.  I want children with a wild zest for life that make getting up in the morning to see them smiling at you the best feeling in the world.  Children that keep me on my toes and delight me with the strange and clever things they will come up with.

Of course, it would be lovely to have a slight decrease in the volume of these cries for help, but this is my baby.  I love her and cannot change her.  I just like to think she is saying please. A lot.  Loudly.

Love your roaring babies.  They are nothing but charming.